THE KEYS TO SUCCESSFUL FLIRTING
Check out this handy list of flirting Dos and Donts
The Fine Art of Flirting – The Dating Survival Guide
Check out this handy list of flirting Dos and Donts
1. Get into the Mood
The most important component of successful flirtation is being in the right mood for flirting. Good flirts are playful and don’t take themselves too seriously – look at James Bond for instance. You need to see people not as something to be ‘dealt with’ – try and see them as a gateway to new exciting, adventures.
2. It’s not about Scoring
If your main focus is concentrated on what you want, it will show and you’ll come across as desperate. Instead of worrying whether you’re making a good impression, focus on what you can give. Ask yourself how you can make other people feel good… The short answer here is to make the other person feel like you’re interested in what they have to say. So listen, remember what’s been said and ask open ended questions.
3. No one likes a Phoney
Sigmund Freud, whether you agree with him or not, had a few cool things to say. One of them was “We leak the truth from every pore.” Phoneys get discovered sooner or later. If you pretend to be that which you are not, you will very quickly find yourself with less friends, less connections and less opportunities to meet someone who is right for you. Of course, remember how important it is to show yourself in a good light.
4. Don’t Give Up
“If you don’t shoot you won’t score, if you do shoot, you may score, if you never shoot you will never score”. People often give up when they don’t get immediate results. Monitor what works and what doesn’t work. If you aren’t getting the results you want, ask yourself what you could do differently that would allow you to get what you want. Think of everything that you’ve tried that doesn’t work as ‘school fees’. At least you can learn from your mistakes!
5. Practice makes Perfect
Some women send out signals of overt sexual flirting when all they want is to be friendly. Others send out overtly sexual signals because they want attention. And they will get it. Unfortunately, some of the attention will be unwanted. Practise with your close friends asking them to give you honest feedback. Practise in the mirror. When you begin to understand the effect of what you do, you will be in a position to make change…
6. The Dreaded Pick Up Lines
‘Aren’t your legs tired? Because you’ve been running through my mind all night…’. Many women will have heard some of these terrible pick-up clichés before. It won’t do you any favours guys. There is no such thing as a ready to wear line. Each ‘line’ should be a genuine sentiment of what happening at the moment. Sometimes the simplest opening gambits are the best. Sometimes by paying attention to the person you want to flirt with and noticing their good points, you will come up with a natural and successful line.
7. Look Approachable
When you go out with a group of friends, be sure to separate yourself from them occasionally. The thought of being turned down in front of a crowd might scare off potential suitors. Make sure you look friendly. Sitting like an ice queen/king will not attract people to you. The big freeze is no one’s idea of a turn on. You may unconsciously be giving out ‘no no’ signals when secretly you are lusting for someone to approach you. Check what you are giving off and if it’s not getting results you want, adjust it. Ask friends to give you feedback.
8. Everyone gets Rejected, even Kylie Minogue!
Sometimes things don’t work out for whatever reason. What you take to heart is up to you. The reality is that everyone has experienced rejection in one area of their life – look at the Minogue sisters! Don’t dwell on rejection – it just ends up as baggage that you don’t need. The only baggage you need is Louis Vuitton. Learn to put things in perspective. Look out for compliments, take them in and shrug off rejection.
9. First Moves
95% of men say they would love women to approach them. Making the first move doesn’t have to become a habit, and it doesn’t have to be a ‘Sex and the City’ type of approach! It’s just an alternative way of doing things. Variety is the spice of life eh? From time to time you can enjoyably make the first move. If you see someone across a room that ‘does something for you’, make up your mind to connect with that person. Follow your instincts.
10. Say ‘no’ graciously
If you are going to turn someone down, do so graciously. See it as a form of compliment to be asked, even if the man or woman is not your type. If you reject someone viciously or unkindly, other men may notice and you can be sure they will be very wary of approaching the “Medusa’s den”.
11. Are you a Space Invader?
You’ve probably encountered those people who get that little bit too close for comfort. No matter how you wriggle, they continue to loom ‘in your face’. Be aware of how others react to you. Test space using gentle moves and calibrate their reactions. Watch the mouth, the eyes, the skin colour. Mouths get larger, lips swell, eyes widen, pupils dilate, skin flushes, changes colour, muscles around the mouth move and vice versa. Become a detective of other people’s signals.
The Fine Art of Flirting – The Dating Survival Guide
Why do some girls attract all the guys? Because they are power flirts. You can master this fine art — no cosmetic surgery required. You just need to let your body do the talking. Babe Scott reveals how to turn up the volume on your inner flirt.
Every time my friend Jenny enters a room, men get social whiplash. She is not breathtakingly beautiful; she is no Rhodes scholar and she hasn’t won Lotto. But Jenny never leaves a party without being caught in a social scrum by all the single men. What is the secret behind her mesmerising effect on males? She is simply one of the world’s best flirts.
I’m sure you know someone like Jenny. It seems unfair but these women appear to operate a dating cartel. Fact is, they don’t have a monopoly on power flirting. We can all do it. We just need to learn the secrets behind their 100-watt smiles.
To some women, flirting comes naturally and for others, we must coax our latent talents to life. The good news? The ability to flirt is innate. It is about confidence and being able to sensually inhabit your body. The other key is understanding body language.
Women are always worrying about what they say but in fact it’s our bodies that do most of the talking. Communication is 60 per cent non-verbal and only 40 per cent verbal. More than this, only a quarter of the verbal proportion is accomplished by the words themselves. The rest is all about how you say it.
So watch what your body is saying. Researchers say you can heighten your powers of attraction by about 70 per cent if you can improve your body talk.
Love your body
Learn to love your body and this will be reflected in your body talk. A lot of women walk around apologising for themselves, subconsciously using ‘concealment gestures’ to obscure the parts of their bodies they don’t like with their hands or arms. But that only makes these body parts more intriguing to others and makes her seem under-confident.
Watch yourself and see if you are covering parts of yourself when you move. Are you fidgeting? Tugging at your hemline? Constantly rearranging your attire or jiggling your feet? Then don’t. Start re-learning how to move. Use open gestures when you walk, don’t set up physical barriers and don’t cover up. Most importantly, look enthusiastic and animated. Animated people are attractive. And smile. A smile is your passport to popularity. It invites the world in and makes you more accessible and chat-up-able. Coach yourself to love your body and instead of trying to cover up the parts you are less happy with, flaunt the parts that you like.
That ring of confidence
Confidence is probably the most attractive of all traits. It is the essence of charisma. Give yourself a pep talk before you go out and tell yourself you are fabulous. If you believe it, it will be true. When you walk into a room, pull yourself up to your full height and walk tall. Slumped posture is not very sensuous. A sensuous walk is a precious asset. It is an art in itself. Marilyn Monroe said that people often ignored her in the street until she put on ‘the walk’.
Aha! So it wasn’t the bottle-blonde hair or the hourglass bod but
the walk. Hey, that’s easy!
Make sure you don’t move in packs. Men will not approach women in a gaggle: it’s too intimidating. If you go out with friends, separate yourself as soon as you can and start circulating. You are there to meet new people, not just to talk to people you already know.
When you go to a soirée, go simply to have a good time not just to add more beaus to your string. Be curious about everybody, other women included. After all, they may have sexy brothers, male friends, foxy colleagues, maybe even a perfectly nice ex. You could be his Cinderella. So embrace the sisterhood when you get the chance. Make it your mission to meet at least one person who will make you glad you didn’t stay home with a bottle of wine.
Take the focus off what other people think of you and onto having a good time. Make yourself the only person you have to please: it will help you exude confidence and make you genuinely interesting. If you need a little help in the confidence department, fake it till you make it. Find a role model you can emulate. Imagine how that person would act, feel and move. Think of what qualities make her attractive and how she expresses these physically when she moves and talks. Watch videos of fabulous filmstar flirts and examine their style. See how they revel in being a woman. You will eventually develop your own inimitable style.
Everybody knows that the eyes are the windows to the loins. The mating dance all starts with a glance. So catch someone’s eye and hold their gaze half a second longer than normal: one second in total. Then look away, look coy and then look again, this time with a more meaningful glance and a slight smile.
The glance dance can go on for some time. Avoid pointing out to your friends that you’ve made a connection. They’ll just turn and stare. Simply work on your posture, pull in your tummy and arch your back slightly. And while you’re looking them in the eye, hit them with a smile — it’s one of your main passports to social success. Wear a smile at all times and if someone doesn’t have one, give them one of yours. A soft smile will do. It doesn’t have to be a toothy grin. If you are not interested in someone who flashes you a glance, merely turn away from them and don’t look back. It should be obvious that you are not open to their advances without being rude.
There are other body language signals to let him know he has the green light to approach you. A woman may arch her neck and show her throat briefly. She may also make preening gestures, like stroking her hair or laughing at something a friend is saying. A woman will change her posture so it is more flattering, thrusting her breasts out and pulling in her waist. She might also turn to face the object of her desire. She will hold her drink at waist level so she is reating no barriers — but not so low it looks like she’s begging for coins. She might caress her glass with the tip of her finger or rub it gently around the rim, lick her lips or touch her mouth momentarily.
So start amping up your own signals. The best way is to think sensuous thoughts and the moves will come naturally. Most importantly, emanate a look of vitality. Appear energetic, luminous even. Imagine you have just had an amazing romp and have a sexy glow about you. Don’t look static or planted. Be mobile in your expressions and your movements. When you think you have him on the hook, move slightly away from your group to make it easier for him to approach you. Or start circulating: anything to give him an opportunity to intercept you.
So what happens when he sidles over? If you get nervous, imagine he is an old friend you haven’t seen for ages and try to chat to him as comfortably. Relax yourself and this will set him at ease. The most underrated flirting skill is simply listening. Men love talking about themselves. They like being the centre of attention. Ask open-ended questions. That is, questions that can’t be answered by a yes or no answer.
If he volunteers something, you volunteer something. But don’t reveal too much at once. The other key is not to moan. Having a good time is infectious. Focus on positive things and keep the conversation fun, light and frothy. Lower your chin, look him in the eyes and nod as he speaks. Smile and make sure you find something to giggle at every now and then (unless he’s talking about his recent root canal in which case I suggest you depart the conversation entirely for he is clearly a social cripple). Make him feel like the most interesting and amusing man alive.
The other technique is to mirror his actions. By slightly copying the man’s body language and style of behaviour he will feel you are in synch with him. Pull yourself up to your full height and lean slightly forward. Put your best assets forward and turn your body to face his more directly. If you are standing, make sure one foot is pointing towards him. If you are sitting, cross your legs towards him. Keep physical barriers to a minimum; don’t cross your arms like a fortress.
If you want to bring out the big guns, try arching your neck when he pays you a compliment or says something funny. This allows you to bare your throat at him. Touch your neck lightly. Any man who isn’t affected by this gesture hasn’t got a pulse.
Practice makes perfect
Wherever you go – to the deli, corner store, local café or on your walk, practice your flirting style. It doesn’t have to be high voltage or serious, just friendly. Say ‘hi’ or ‘gorgeous day’ and smile. Feel good about yourself and send out a tiny volt of electricity. You will notice people responding to you more. And at the very least, your coffee just got a whole lot hotter. Flirting is a great social lubricant, whether at work or at play. This ancient art can make life easier and more fun. Go on: get out there and flaunt it!
Body Language Signals
SIGNS SHE IS INTERESTED
• Sidelong glances
• Looks at him a few times
• Holds his gaze briefly
• She has downcast eyes, then she looks away
• Touches her neck or hair
• Touches her lips
• Turns body towards him
• Tilts her head
• Narrows her eyes slightly into an eye smile
• Flashes her palm
SIGNS HE IS INTERESTED
• Looks at you
• Moves his body to face you
• Posture changes to alert
• Adjusts his tie
• Puts his hand in his pocket
• Dangles his hand from his belt
• Slight movement of the pelvis backward
• Leans towards you
• Adopts an open body posture